“Boy Bye”: The Truth about the Independent Woman

The saying that history repeats itself has proven time and time again to be so true. If you think about the history of women in a very broad sense, we went from no freedom or independence, to fighting for our freedom and independence, and now that we have it, to a certain extent of course, women are looking for more of a balance and wanting to experience a softer life. But have you ever considered that men and women need each other to create that balance?

( I want to clear the air now that I am straight, so I can only speak from my own perspective, but at the end of the day, we are women, so regardless of who you like, you understand where I’m coming from). 

Everyone’s experiences are unique and when I say that I mean that some women out here never wanted the “strong independent black woman” title for themselves, but they were left with no choice. So let’s get into this topic.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN?

Now it could mean a lot of different things to different people, but if we are going to be real, and how I was raised, being an independent woman was used as a way to combat needing a man, and basically as a way to say all I’ll ever need you for is loving, the same way men feel about women. Us as women, myself included because I have done this many times before, try to hurt the man by “beating him at his own game.” And there’s nothing wrong with chasing a bag, especially these days because having a two-income household is a lot more affordable than just one. But on top of the societal issues that have drawn a wedge between men and women, one that seems to be a battle on social media is the independent woman.

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN?

I wanna shift gears a little bit and tell you why my blog is called a Feminine Space, and not a feminism or feminist space. I don’t believe in the equality of gender because we don’t operate the same way. Fighting for autonomy is one thing because I believe everyone, no matter your race, sex, gender, etc., should have the freedom to decide what’s best for them. Let’s take jobs for example. The feminist movement continues to fight the glass ceiling. And though I agree that women should be able to advance in their careers just like men because we are just as qualified and gender doesn’t determine your education or ability to do the job. But, women operate on a 28-35 day cycle. Within that time cycle, our bodies have to endure a lot and with that comes different hormonal frequencies. Being equal means that I have to do the same 8 hours a day as the man, and during menstruation, I barely want to get out of bed, let alone work a full 8 hours. That right there is why I have no desire to be equal. Our bodies were created so we can carry and give life, so I shouldn’t have to work through the pain just to prove that I am equal with men. Everyone should treat the woman’s body like the vessel it is. And when we are constantly fighting for equality and not demanding to be respected for who we are, we are doing ourselves a disservice. I don’t know about y’all but I would love to be treated with care. Of course everyday doesn’t look the same, but let’s say it were a day my cramps were just unbearable, I would love for that to be seen as the valid reason it is, and not as an excuse.

INDEPENDENCE IS IMPORTANT AND SOMETIMES NOT A CHOICE 

Now I am in no way saying that independence is not important because baby, I’m afraid to Google the statistics of single mothers, and I’m not talking about the ones who chose to be. I’m talking about all the women who had to make a way for their children on their own because the father left or was never present. I commend those women because let’s be honest, our bodies go through a lot mentally, physically, and emotionally, especially after having a child, and when you are trying to juggle motherhood and being a sole provider, you have no choice but to work through the pain. I know so many women who had to work up until they gave birth, and who can’t even have a maternity leave because they can’t afford to go that long without pay. It just so sad that something so beautiful has to be so stressful because men are falling short on their responsibilities. Experiencing that level of stress would make me never want to put my trust in a man again either, but we have to realize that they aren’t being raised correctly. If and when I have children of my own, I plan to teach them that in fact we do need each other. Life wasn’t meant to be done alone. We are supposed to elevate each other. But women are no longer in the business of putting up with anyone’s shit just to say they are being taken care of. So many black men on the millions of Tik Tok podcasts always talk about how they want feminine women, but don’t know how to care for and nurture a feminine woman. If all you can offer is money, you are not prepared to handle a feminine woman.

There is nothing wrong with being an independent woman, especially because women are on the rise. More and more of us want to own our own businesses, climb to the top of the professional food chain, and be breadwinners. My sister and I talk about it all the time, but I honestly think that all women should have their own money. So if you are an independent woman, own it! But, I just want us all of us to heal and not operate in our independence as a defense mechanism against men. Know that you can be successful and feminine.

I really want hear your thoughts. Let me know in the comments how you feel about the term “independent woman”.