How to Activate your Feminine Energy

There has been a pattern in my family for quite some time, and the older I get the more I realize just how problematic it is. Cut and dry, there is a “shortage” of men in my family. For those of you who are into statistics, for every 1 male in my family, there are roughly 20 females (that was definitely a rough estimate lol!). There are many narratives and challenges that have occurred in my family that stem from this dynamic that I can’t wait to tell you all more about (hence the reason I started this blog.) 

Just in case y’all needed proof. Summer of 2021, we had a total of 2 men with us on the trip (both were still at the hotel during the time of this picture)

The real problem is energy. Your energy is all about balance because if any of your layers (mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual) are unaligned, it causes the rest of your layers to be unaligned as well. Think about it: if you don’t get enough rest at night, you experience fatigue (physical), a clouded brain (mental), and might be irritable with everyone the entire day (emotional). It’s the same with masculine and feminine energy; they must be balanced in order for your layers to be aligned. I know many people may not think that those imbalances can cause major problems, but you’d be surprised. 

To get a little science-y on you, energy cannot be destroyed or created, only converted. But what happens when that energy isn’t converted? Think about it like this: People start fires to keep warm, but imagine if fire didn’t produce heat? It would be kinda pointless. So I like to think of masculine and feminine energy in the same way. You are supposed to be so in tune with your energies, that you know when and where to use them. What happened in my family is  everything was handled with masculine energy. 

The most protruding energy is masculine energy. You usually channel your masculine energy when you are working towards something. That means all things goal-oriented and focused. When operating in your masculine energy, your energy will be leading, providing, protecting, and serving. And I am here to say that though masculine energy is needed, feminine energy is just as important. But let’s talk about what all masculine, and no feminine energy looks like for a family. 

To start there was no nurturing in my home growing up. To nurture means to care for and encourage the growth or development of. While there was no lack of that in the physical sense, there was not an ounce of it in the emotional sense. Growing up, the women in my family were the providers. They made sure that all the basic necessities were covered, but that’s only a small part of what shapes a healthy human. The women in my family were emotionally unavailable, to the point they were in a state of toxic masculinity all the time. In our home my mom was the disciplinarian, but was never an emotional support for me. The only emotions I’d ever see her express were anger and pride. For the majority of my childhood, I had to bottle up my feelings because they would often be used against me. I was labeled  a “drama queen”, “crybaby”, and “too sensitive”. There has only been one time I have ever witnessed my mother expressing emotions that were due to fear or concern and that was in 2008 when my younger sister had a life threatening seizure. 

As a 23 year old black woman, born and raised in Baltimore, I have been in a fight for my life (in a mental sense), to channel feminine energy. So if you are struggling with tapping into a softer and more nurturing space, we are in this together, and I encourage you to keep reading. Now I’m no psychologist, however, I pride myself on being very self-aware, and that has translated into me becoming very aware of others. Some might call it being wise beyond my years, but honestly, it’s really just an aspect of feminine energy. It’s your natural instinct, consider this; no matter how old you get, whenever you are sick or need help paying a bill, what is the first thing you do?… If you told the truth, it’s call your mom or a mother figure. You can’t tell me my mom isn’t a certified doctor, chef, and Google all in one. As a woman, especially one who has experience creating and taking care of another human being, you really just have a way of knowing what people are in need of. And that’s how it is with my ability to read the room. After a quick interaction with most people, I can really tell what type of energy they give off. Whether it’s scales more masculine, feminine, or a good balance. 

I say all that to say that after being a part of a family for 23 years, I’ve been able to dissect them over and over again, hence the reason why I can write an entire post about those experiences. But if I am being quite honest, I am still learning how to channel my feminine energy, despite growing up in a family that was approximately 99.9% masculine energy (another horrible statistic.) Here’s some of the things I do to stay more in alignment with my feminine energy.

1. Spend more time with Myself

Number one, I highly recommend carving out time just for you. For me, I didn’t truly start tapping into my feminine energy until I moved away to college. College is where I started to develop my own style, explore different hairstyles, and perfect my skincare routine. It was also where I was able to learn more about who I was becoming as a woman, and began to realize that I wanted to be different from the women in my family. Now if moving away from family is not feasible, then I suggest taking yourself out on dates. Go to the movies, hang out at your favorite coffee shop and journal, or go shopping. Do things that you enjoy doing with others, but by yourself. It will allow you to cancel out the noise of other people’s opinions and allow you to connect more deeply with yourself.

2. Feed your Feminine Energy

This is probably my favorite tip. I personally enjoy dancing, especially taking 

heels or a pole dancing class. Now before you say you have no rhythm, it’s not about being the best dancer in the room. It’s about building your confidence and trying something to tap further into your feminine energy. There’s something about sensual dancing that just boosts your feminine energy. I never left a sensual dance class not feeling like I could be a background dancer for Usher, okay! If dancing isn’t for you, take a yoga class, watch Youtubers who make content focused on empowering women. My personal favorite right now is Hailey Gamba. She gets me together honey! And if you are a Christian-girly like me, I also recommend Sarah Jakes-Roberts. She is amazing when it comes to combining women empowerment and teaching the Gospel. 

Lastly, I’d say create a playlist that purely exudes feminine energy. Some of my favorites are: Summer Walker and SZA for my “F you but I love you” vibes,  Ari Lennox for my “sexy grown woman” vibes, Jhene Aiko for my “soft girl era” vibes, and Beyonce and Doja for my “women can do anything” vibes.

3. Stop feeding your Masculine Energy 

Now if you grew up like me, channeling your masculine energy probably comes second nature to you. You are goal-oriented, assertive, and very focused. But you have to realize when that is becoming a problem. You are really feeding your masculine energy when all your friends are men who don’t express their feelings. I hear way too many ladies say “I don’t get along with girls; they don’t understand me; they are too catty”, etc., etc. And you know what I say to that, THAT’S BULLSHIT!! You just haven’t met your tribe. There is nothing like having a group of girlfriends that you can vent to, cry with, laugh with, and just feed off of. 

The saying is true, you are what you consume. If you are constantly surrounding yourself with men, if you are always listening to trap music, not doing self care, and if you are constantly walking around giving off a “tough” aura, you will continue to feed your masculine energy.

Learning to channel your feminine energy takes a lot of practice, especially when you have been taught to operate in masculine energy. I am still learning and working on it everyday, but I hope my experience and tips will help and encourage you to start the process of balancing your energies.

What are you doing to activate your feminine energy? I’d love to hear your practices!