So many women all over social media are talking about “the soft life”. The phrase has been defined as a lifestyle of comfort and relaxation with minimal challenges or stress. Now if no one else said it, let me be the first to say that sounds like the feminine version of the “American Dream”. Here me out: People come to America from all over the world thinking they will have equal opportunity to achieve all their dreams, but then they quickly realize that it was all a lie. The “American Dream” and “The Soft Life” are nothing more than propaganda, or in layman’s terms, clickbait.
I remember back in my first semester of my senior year in college, I had to take a public speaking class. The final assignment was to write and present a manuscript. One manuscript stood out to me, and I will never forget it. She was a young Hispanic girl who told her own personal story about having immigrant parents and living in America. They moved to America because they wanted a better life for their children. But she went on to talk about how fast she had to grow up because at the age of 8 years old, she was translating legal documents, booking appointments, and doing everything her parents couldn’t because she spoke English. She shared how she just wanted to be a kid, and not have to stress about those things at such a young age. Imagine traveling across the world to chase the “American Dream”, which promises equality and success, and quickly realizing that the equality of opportunity is nonexistent. Chasing the “American Dream” could easily become a slippery slope, physically and mentally, and I feel the same way about the “soft life”.
The Soft Life take Hard Work
Life is challenging and stressful within itself. So same as the American Dream, women are spending all this time feeling sorry for themselves because they haven’t achieved “the soft life”, and are not even realizing “that the soft life” takes hard work.
“The soft life” typically looks like:
- Daily trips to Target with no budget ( I can’t lie this one has me in a chokehold)
- Taking multiple trips throughout the year
- Buying designer perfume, makeup, clothes, shoes, etc. whenever you want
- Pampering yourself on a daily basis (hair, nails, waxes, laser hair removal, body sculpting; the list just goes on!)
But what those women living “the soft life” don’t tell you, is how they got there. You never see the behind the scenes of it. And not to call anyone out because we don’t know their personal stories, but I do know one thing; they didn’t wake up one day, and start doing all that stuff with minimal challenges, comfort, and relaxation. I mean we are talking about thousands of dollars a month on things that aren’t even a necessity. We didn’t even cover their rent/mortgage, car payment/car insurance, health insurance, food, etc. So I just want to be clear when I say that “the soft life” is hard to come by. Now I’m not saying it isn’t achievable because I want all of my girlies to experience that type of freedom (if that’s what you desire). But in order to have a “soft life” physically, I believe that you first need to have one mentally.
“The Soft Life” can also be a Mentality
“The soft life” mentality looks like waking up everyday and choose not to let the challenges and stressors of life control you. And your ability to channel your feminine energy is key to obtaining “the soft life” mentality. Feminine energy is all about receiving. In other words, you have to believe that what’s meant for you is already yours, it just hasn’t been presented to you yet. Now I am in no way saying just wait around and not work on achieving your goals. But you have to concentrate on receiving. It means that no matter what curveballs life throws at you, you handle them with grace, and know with confidence that your time is coming.
Right now, I am in the process of paying off my $70,000 student loan debt. I could let it eat me alive, and stress me out. Sure I could work three jobs, neglect self care, and live off unhealthy snacks. Trust me, I’ve thought about it. But I realized that that isn’t the life I want. I have one full-time job, a small side hustle, and I always make self-care a priority. Now sometimes I do find myself going to that dark place, but I have to remind myself everyday that I am worthy of all that is for me. I know that my struggles are just leading me to what’s truly in store for my life.
Now I’m not saying that you can completely ignore and erase those problems, but 50% of success depends on your mindset. For example, let’s say you are a nervous test taker. Most nervous test takers don’t fail because they didn’t know the material; they fail because they allow stress and anxiety to take over their body, and affect their performance. It’s the same with the “soft life” mentality. You cannot have a “soft life” if you are constantly focused on the negative things that you can’t control. For me, if I constantly focus on the fact that I have to pay back my student loans, and how the money going to my loans could be spent on other things, I will continue to be miserable.
“The Soft Mentality”
I think that everyone should aim to have a soft mentality. Don’t let the problems we face in life control your day to day. Here are some of the ways I practice having a “soft mentality”:
- Reciting affirmations: this may sound cliche, but it’s like learning your ABC’s; first you learn the song, then you start to identify the letters, and after a while all the letters and sounds are ingrained in your mind. One of my favorite affirmation videos is the I AM Morning Affirmations for Women. Speaking life into yourself is so important, so don’t just wait around for someone else to do it.
- Practicing your beliefs: I told yall before that I am a Christian-girly, so for me, this looks like going to church on Sunday, reading the bible, and spending time with God. But, there are plenty of motivational speakers on Youtube, or if you practice a different religion, start devoting more time to that, even if it’s 10-15 minutes a day. Knowing that I can put all my worries and stress in God’s hand, and he will take care of it, feels like a weight being lifted off of my shoulders.
- Reward yourself: Life is hard enough, and while boundaries are extremely important, especially when it comes to money, rewarding yourself every now and again promotes that balance of giving and receiving. Save up to buy that skin care product you’ve been dying to try, or treat yourself to your favorite guilty pleasures (mine are always vegan sweets!) One reward I recommend for my girlfriends on a budget is the movies. If you have an AMC or Cinemark Theaters in your area, they have Discount Tuesdays. That way you can treat yourself, and not stress about spending later because we are doing this to relieve stress, not add more.
I just want y’all to know that the pressures of society affect us all. There is this constant need to have the most stuff, travel every two weeks, drive the most expensive car, but “the soft mentality” is about quieting the noise around you, deepening your connection with yourself, and realizing that none of those luxuries will matter, if your mindset isn’t right. One my favorite songs by Jhene Aiko is “Everything Must Go”. The whole song is facts, but one line that really comes to mind goes, “we are all slaves of desire; controlled by the things we think that we need”. I want to leave you with this thought: Your life is as good as your mindset.
What does “the soft life” mean to you?
Let me know in the comments!
